Mindful Monday - Update, Diversity in a WIP

So a while back, I wrote this post on how I don't feel like I have the right to write about another culture.

I'm constantly expanding the number of people I follow on Twitter, there are just so many with something to say that resonate with me! Or make me think! And I realize now how very cowardly that previous post was. In fact, I think I kind of knew there was something wrong with it, but sometimes we need distance to see such errors, and an honesty which honestly can be hard to come by.

So I don't know how to portray a PoC (person/people of color), what does that mean? That I have research to do and conversations to engage in. And if I ever get to a point where I can use beta readers or critique partners, I need to engage with some who identify with that character, so they can tell me what is offensive, what I got wrong, and--hopefully--something that maybe I got right. I can't let the fear of being utterly wrong stop me from trying, and learning in the process.

There are people on Twitter who offer themselves up to answer questions about their sexuality/disabilities/culture/everything, go find them if you have questions. Someone tweeted a link to Diversity Cross-Check, and while I haven't spent much time perusing it yet, it seems like a place where it may be possible to connect with others willing to answer questions.

No, I'm not going to take down my original post where I display, for the world, my ignorance. No, I'll leave it as a reminder to myself that there is always growth and learning to be done.

Let's try not to let our ignorance reinforce plaguing stereotypes. In today's time, our resources are unlimited, and so is our potential.

Until next time,
Julia

Don't forget to check out my latest adventure: byersediting.wordpress.com!

Mindful Monday - The Contract of a Job

With the SCOTUS ruling on marriage equality, there has been resistance by those who issue marriage licenses to do so. And this brings to mind something I was thinking about a couple of months ago as I underwent the interview process for the job I have. They asked me about a time when I disagreed with something I was told to do. I've never really been the rebellious type, usually do as I'm told, no qualms about it. But it got to me to thinking, and here's the more pronounced answer/opinion that I have for the next time I go through that: when you accept a job, you are signing a contract between yourself and the employer that you will perform the duties described.  If you are worried that the position may have you compromising your morals/ethics, perhaps you need to explore that further before signing on. Now if the company is asking you to do something illegal, there's probably a procedure to fix that. But when it comes to a matter of conscience, that's up to you, especially if it is going to keep you from performing your duties. I think this is especially true for those who work for the public. If you have qualms about being able to carry out the duties you were selected for, then get out and let someone who doesn't have those qualms serve the public. It is not your religion that stops you, it is your prejudice. Your religion has not stopped you from issuing marriage licenses to those who are or will become thieves, racists, terrorists, murderers, arsonists, pedophiles, sex-offenders, and more; it shouldn't stop you from marrying couples that have come together in love to partake of their rights--that's discrimination.

/end rant

Until next time,
Julia

Mindful Monday - Engage!

I've really been enjoying engaging with the community of readers/writers/authors/editors on Twitter.

Since doing this, I've been privileged enough to beta-read for some folks I really enjoy, and hear people's stories that range from eerily-similar to worlds-apart from mine. Sometimes they make me feel like my dream of being an editor is a little less like a fantasy than I once thought it was. They are some of the most supportive and courageous people I've encountered, and I adore them.

Mindful Monday - Define Your Own Success

When my friends from high school started graduating from college a few years ago (and a couple of years before me), I realized I could not hold myself to society's definition of "success."

To me that definition is: no more than 4 (maybe 5) years in college pursuing a bachelors degree, an immediate or near-immediate entry into a career or grad-school, and financial gain, etc., or maybe that's just what I thought success was for so long because that is what I remember thinking success was when I was a teenager looking forward to my future.

So when I started seeing graduation announcements for friends, I looked at myself and my life and I wasn't unhappy. No, I didn't (yet) have a bachelors or even an associates degree. No, I hadn't found my calling and I was still working retail. But I was satisfied with where I was. At that point in my life I was already happily married, a homeowner, and on my way to being a mom. I felt satisfied with my choices and where I was, and I took it upon myself to assert that there is more than one type of success. That it has more to do with how happy you are with your life choices than where you stand in comparison to everyone else. So, in short, as I texted to a friend who was feeling like they were unaccomplished in comparison to her friends,

 "Success doesn't come only in numbers defined by others, you have to define it for yourself!"

Until next time,

Julia

Mindful Monday - About a WIP & Race

Well, all of my works are "in progress," but one day, what if one is actually out there?

I pretend, sometimes, that I'm answering questions about my process and inspirations and what not. This is one of those things.

When I started this project, it was a completely different idea than what it has become. I had been doing a lot of mind-numbing alpha-male-romance reading, and when I started out thinking about this story, that's kind of what I had in mind. Boy did the characters have a different idea. As I thought about the whys and hows of the characters, I realized quickly that my story would (hopefully) not fall into that same category. *I would like to say I don't think there is anything wrong with that category, as I just admitted to reading it...*

The MC is a young woman who is also a single mom. When I first started, I thought her child might be mixed-race, so the MC has to deal with the strange looks she gets in the store and what not. And then I gave that some thought...

While the story is supposed to be about this young woman, there is a part of her past that leads her to where she is, and I realized I didn't want to further the stereotype that would leave a young woman alone with a mixed-race child. Because, you know, someone would point that out. I'm not afraid of criticism, but I'm not a fan of offending someone for being thoughtless, either.

I will also say up-front that I do not have any kind of experience which would allow me to enter into, or enter my work into, a conversation of culture that is not white or mostly-white. When it comes to values and beliefs, yes there are differences between cultures and even within the same cultures, no matter if they are in the same neighborhood or a world away. I've not lived enough outside of my own culture to pretend I have the right to write about another. So if in my (non-fantasy) writing my MCs are lacking in racial/cultural diversity, that does not come from an idea of better-ness, but out of respect and knowledge that there are things I just wouldn't get right, I just wouldn't be able to portray--regardless of how empathetic and understanding I might be--, because no matter how much research or observation I might make, I will always be an outsider looking in, imposing my ideas onto what I'm reading/seeing/hearing, even if I think I get it.

I'm not without my own conflict about the above paragraph, because doesn't that mean that I'm also in an ideal place to enter into that conversation? Or at least host it? That privileged place where I can have a conversation and create a safe place for others, who are qualified through their experience to talk about things I can not? But how does one do that?

So there are the two exactly conflicting things on my mind, and the bearing they've had so far on this particular project.

Until next time,
Julia

Mind-full Monday - Guilt, Regret, Anger

This weekend we held a garage sale. That's not terrible, or terribly important, or even terribly exciting. But there is something I am upset with myself about. We live in Texas. There are many people of Hispanic (mostly Mexican) heritage that speak no or very little English. While two such women were browsing our used goods, there was a white woman that came through, looked at their collection of items which was mostly old baby clothes, and made a comment in an accusatory tone about their probable intention of reselling them. Why the hell it mattered to her what they were doing, I have no idea. I'm just glad that was two arm-fulls of baby clothes that I didn't have to pack back up and either store or donate. If they wanted to take them home and burn them, I wouldn't be offended, because if something of ours makes it out to the garage sale, my emotional attachment to it is gone.

I don't know if they understood or even heard her, but I did, and I should have said something.  Instead, I let her go without a word about it. It's eating me up inside. I wish I had a time machine, and I would go back and tell her to keep her comments to herself or get the hell off of my property. But I don't have a time machine. I wish I could tell the women who were standing there how sorry I am that I did not stand up for them in my poor, broken Spanish. But I doubt I would recognize them if I see them again.

I don't understand how people have so much hate. There are despicable characters of every age, race, faith, sex, and other basis on which people are judged. Just the same, there are good, or mostly good, characters in each category, as well. Is it fear? Was she afraid that they are harming her or her lifestyle? Afraid they are going to gain some kind of upper hand? They are people, trying to live their lives and support families. 

I hate confrontation*. I hate violence between people. I hate the exchange of harsh words. It makes me uncomfortable and upset, even when it does not involve me. I allowed my hatred of confrontation to allow other women to be talked down to, bullied, by a woman who felt she was superior, but by what I gathered was no different save for the color on her skin (and her lack of respect). I can not put into words how heavily this weighs on my heart. I'm full of guilt and regret about this, and I am angry with myself for not standing up for them, for being a coward.

Until next time,

Julia.

*I exclude constructive criticism and respectful conversations of opposing views from this definition of confrontation, because I know that change must start somewhere, and I believe in communicating even when it is an unpopular opinion or goes against the norm. There is a difference, though, between yelling back and forth and calmly conversing.

Mindful Monday - Returned

So it's back to Monday again, is it?

Well, I've been a little quiet lately, but I've seen the numbers, it's not like anyone actually noticed ;-)

So I've had a lot on my mind, but I'm finally feeling a little more human.

So what's been going on? Well, I've come to the conclusion that I suck. At least when it comes to doing things for myself, that is. This blog? Deserted for nearly a month. My writing? Well, do to-do and grocery lists count? Working out? HAHAHAHA! Seriously, I'm much better at doing things for other people, including getting out of bed and actually eating.

Those things haven't been far from my mind though, and I don't think I actually suck, so no worries--the logical and emotional parts of my mind are always at odds with each other, and logical usually wins, in the end of the often-lengthy battles. I compose blog posts in my head as I try to go to sleep, and forget them in the morning. I've more fully created characters for a story that is spinning in my mind than I've ever done before, although they are far from complete. And working out? HAHAHA! Seriously. Maybe I should buy a full-body wetsuit to swim in this summer (it'd be a lot warmer, right? And I haven't really enjoyed swimming in years...).

There are also things going on that are outside of my control. Some of them aren't really mine, but things with people I love, that I wish I could do something about, but it is not my place and it is not in my power. So in place of my being able to help, I worry for them, I dream for them, I hope for them. For myself, I had what I felt like a very positive job interview, but I've yet to hear anything back. I know these things take time, and I've done the best I can in the time when I could affect the outcome, so all that's left to do is wait.

So maybe these things don't seem like much, but they were enough for me to bury my head in the sand for a couple of weeks.

What now? Well, I get to try again. I get to experiment with blogging some more, transfer the scenes in my head onto the screen, and try to pick up yoga again. Seek the relief from anxieties I felt I was close to before. Will I do all of these things perfectly this time? No. I will probably fall off the face of the Earth again. And then I will return. That's life, I think, and I accept that while the yo-yo experience is typical me and I can try to change it, it takes time.

See you around.
Julia

Edit: "So I've had a lot on my mind, but I'm finally feeling a little more human." I've been thinking about that, and I'm certain I've said it before. So, what is feeling human, anyways? For me it is being able to feel my emotions and not just recognize them from a distance. The journey there feels like climbing up a muddy hill, you get close to the top and slip a little before you finally make it. And once you do, you realize that it really wasn't the top, and you have to keep going. More mud, more slips, and more stops along the way.

Mind-full Monday

Well, instead of Mindful Monday, I'm calling today "Mind-full," meaning my mind is full, and not in a good way.

All of these anxieties that I thought were taken care of have begun to rear their heads again. This has been brought on in part by the job fair I attended at my alma mater last week. They are anxieties about the future, and while I know the future can't be controlled, it can be influenced by the actions taken now.

Well, I'm not too comfortable disclosing it all now, but I know that the decisions that have been made are the best for my family, and that's always our #1 priority.

Until next time,
Julia

Mindful Monday - My Fantasy Beginnings

This was written (mostly) more than two months ago...

My interest in writing lies mostly in fantasy, and last night as I attempted to drift towards dreamland (it was a very slow journey) I thought about where I got my beginnings with fantasy. 

As a child often left to my own imaginative play, I was always in another world (or another form-think lion or princess), I didn't know I could share my friends :)

Now of course there were the Disney princesses and fairytales that everyone hears, but I mean my own personal interest in fantasy that was chosen by me, not forced by common lore. There are two works that stand out for me as earliest (literary) fantasy choices: Winter of Fire by Sheryl Jordan and The Golden Compass by Philip Pullman. I don't know which one was first, but they are at a similar point in my memory-somewhere around the 4th grade. Somewhere around the 6th grade I sat outside next to the big oak tree out front and read Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone.I only ever made it through 4 of those (oh the shame! I'm an embarrassment to my generation!).  I don't really recall reading anything else that I would qualify as fantasy, but my memory from those years is a bit difficult to access, so there might have been more. 

Throughout high school my literary interests turned towards thrillers, especially those written by Dean Koontz. Interspersed with my required school readings and teenage interests that might not have been quite so literary, I don't recall indulging in fantasy then, either.

At some point in time, I believe it was just after I graduated, I was finally able to get my hands on and finish the two books that followed The Golden Compass. 

My real, lasting interest became formed most fully when I read A Game of Thrones. I was already living my adult life, away from home and the small-town-mindedness that had previously surrounded me my entire life. I have, since then, been an avid consumer and lover of fantasy. That is also when characters began slipping through hallways in my mind and I began to put them onto paper (or screen).

I still enjoy general fiction, but there is something so exciting about exploring other worlds!

I ought to add that my husband had a great influence on this interest as well, although this post is more about the literary influences. He read these fantasy works alongside me (in fact I think he is the one that brought them home), as well as several series that I have not yet begun. He's also always been a gamer, and there is a ton of fantasy knowledge and lore that comes along with that. He has always encouraged my interest and supported the ideas I throw his way. My interest in fantasy owes him as much credit as it does to the works which influence me. 

So what have I read recently that I consider fantasy?
The Madness Project by J. Leigh Bralick (also check out The Lost Road Chronicles)
Dragonhold by Brian Rathbone (also check out the rest of the Godsland series, here is the first)
Double LIfe by S. Usher Evans--Sci-fi/Fantasy (Book two, Alliances, out in 8 days!)

And what's next on the TBR list that's fantasy?
Crown of Stones: Magic Price  by C. L. Schneider


Of course there are loads more on the lists, but this is a good place to start :)

Julia