Mindful Monday - Define Your Own Success

When my friends from high school started graduating from college a few years ago (and a couple of years before me), I realized I could not hold myself to society's definition of "success."

To me that definition is: no more than 4 (maybe 5) years in college pursuing a bachelors degree, an immediate or near-immediate entry into a career or grad-school, and financial gain, etc., or maybe that's just what I thought success was for so long because that is what I remember thinking success was when I was a teenager looking forward to my future.

So when I started seeing graduation announcements for friends, I looked at myself and my life and I wasn't unhappy. No, I didn't (yet) have a bachelors or even an associates degree. No, I hadn't found my calling and I was still working retail. But I was satisfied with where I was. At that point in my life I was already happily married, a homeowner, and on my way to being a mom. I felt satisfied with my choices and where I was, and I took it upon myself to assert that there is more than one type of success. That it has more to do with how happy you are with your life choices than where you stand in comparison to everyone else. So, in short, as I texted to a friend who was feeling like they were unaccomplished in comparison to her friends,

 "Success doesn't come only in numbers defined by others, you have to define it for yourself!"

Until next time,

Julia

Mindful Monday - About a WIP & Race

Well, all of my works are "in progress," but one day, what if one is actually out there?

I pretend, sometimes, that I'm answering questions about my process and inspirations and what not. This is one of those things.

When I started this project, it was a completely different idea than what it has become. I had been doing a lot of mind-numbing alpha-male-romance reading, and when I started out thinking about this story, that's kind of what I had in mind. Boy did the characters have a different idea. As I thought about the whys and hows of the characters, I realized quickly that my story would (hopefully) not fall into that same category. *I would like to say I don't think there is anything wrong with that category, as I just admitted to reading it...*

The MC is a young woman who is also a single mom. When I first started, I thought her child might be mixed-race, so the MC has to deal with the strange looks she gets in the store and what not. And then I gave that some thought...

While the story is supposed to be about this young woman, there is a part of her past that leads her to where she is, and I realized I didn't want to further the stereotype that would leave a young woman alone with a mixed-race child. Because, you know, someone would point that out. I'm not afraid of criticism, but I'm not a fan of offending someone for being thoughtless, either.

I will also say up-front that I do not have any kind of experience which would allow me to enter into, or enter my work into, a conversation of culture that is not white or mostly-white. When it comes to values and beliefs, yes there are differences between cultures and even within the same cultures, no matter if they are in the same neighborhood or a world away. I've not lived enough outside of my own culture to pretend I have the right to write about another. So if in my (non-fantasy) writing my MCs are lacking in racial/cultural diversity, that does not come from an idea of better-ness, but out of respect and knowledge that there are things I just wouldn't get right, I just wouldn't be able to portray--regardless of how empathetic and understanding I might be--, because no matter how much research or observation I might make, I will always be an outsider looking in, imposing my ideas onto what I'm reading/seeing/hearing, even if I think I get it.

I'm not without my own conflict about the above paragraph, because doesn't that mean that I'm also in an ideal place to enter into that conversation? Or at least host it? That privileged place where I can have a conversation and create a safe place for others, who are qualified through their experience to talk about things I can not? But how does one do that?

So there are the two exactly conflicting things on my mind, and the bearing they've had so far on this particular project.

Until next time,
Julia

Revving up!

So, I am feeling pretty great!

My every-other-weekday workout routine, with the addition of a multivitamin (which my 2.5 year old helps remind me to take), has me feeling pretty great. Better than I have in a long time.

My Old Routine 

I have not had a regular workout routine since the days of eighth-grade athletics. Seriously.

In the fall/winter time I had band: pushing and pulling and lifting and maneuvering the marimba/vibes/timpani/other various instruments as we loaded up for marching competitions or football games or out to the practice field.

For a few years, while working in my former job, I was on my feet walking around and lifting/loading bulky items for 4 to 8 hours a day several days a week. A consistent routine though, has been neglected for a long while.

Since being able to stay home with our son, whatever energy the workout of work may have provided dropped off. I felt I never had energy anymore, and my anxieties really began to get at me (worse than they already had). It got to the point where I had to go to the doctor for pharmaceutical help, and since (neglecting the past week or so) I've had a handful of days where I felt "normal," which is amazing because I hadn't felt that way in many years. I know at the age of 25, that doesn't seem like a claim I should be able to make, but it is. Between my horrendous headaches (started in high school, but since have been a lot better after having the baby) and pain from my sciatica nerve, plus the emotional roller-coaster I seem to constantly ride, I wasn't sure I would ever feel normal again.

My New Routine

This "5-4-3-2-1 Workout," is great because I don't feel overwhelmed with the amount of "to-do" and now I can do almost the whole thing (15 minutes doesn't seem like much-but it is for me). Since I can almost do the whole thing, I'm planning on either adding or alternating something else, which I haven't located quite yet, for a little change in pace. I will likely keep it short, since I work out while my son attacks me with hugs or trying to climb up on me as I do the push-ups/dips and the like.

I've also been trying to eat a bit better, as previously mentioned, and I'm certain that helps too. The hardest thing for me is drinking [enough] water.

So What has Changed?

My energy. I can now go through a whole day of classes, and come home and still have the ability to get up and cook dinner, wash the dishes, and be involved in the evening. Used to I would come home and become useless. I also feel up to doing things, even those I don't necessarily want to do but need to do, going places, and talking to people.

My outlook. I think this couples with my renewed energy. I feel markedly more optimistic and opportunistic than I did before, and things don't seem quite as bad as they used too (not that they're bad at all, really, but even the smallest things could seem like mountains).

My body. No, not visibly, but I can feel changes like wanting to run or stretch or be active. I feel stronger/more confident when trying to do physical things (although it could just be all in my head, too). Of course this, too, is intertwined with my energy/outlook changes.

What Now?

Like I said, I'm not sure yet. A purely cardio workout? Some core-building exercises? Another variation of the fifteen-minute workout? These are the things I'm considering, no doubt you will know about my decision before too long.

Journey on!
Julia