Mindful Monday - Returned

So it's back to Monday again, is it?

Well, I've been a little quiet lately, but I've seen the numbers, it's not like anyone actually noticed ;-)

So I've had a lot on my mind, but I'm finally feeling a little more human.

So what's been going on? Well, I've come to the conclusion that I suck. At least when it comes to doing things for myself, that is. This blog? Deserted for nearly a month. My writing? Well, do to-do and grocery lists count? Working out? HAHAHAHA! Seriously, I'm much better at doing things for other people, including getting out of bed and actually eating.

Those things haven't been far from my mind though, and I don't think I actually suck, so no worries--the logical and emotional parts of my mind are always at odds with each other, and logical usually wins, in the end of the often-lengthy battles. I compose blog posts in my head as I try to go to sleep, and forget them in the morning. I've more fully created characters for a story that is spinning in my mind than I've ever done before, although they are far from complete. And working out? HAHAHA! Seriously. Maybe I should buy a full-body wetsuit to swim in this summer (it'd be a lot warmer, right? And I haven't really enjoyed swimming in years...).

There are also things going on that are outside of my control. Some of them aren't really mine, but things with people I love, that I wish I could do something about, but it is not my place and it is not in my power. So in place of my being able to help, I worry for them, I dream for them, I hope for them. For myself, I had what I felt like a very positive job interview, but I've yet to hear anything back. I know these things take time, and I've done the best I can in the time when I could affect the outcome, so all that's left to do is wait.

So maybe these things don't seem like much, but they were enough for me to bury my head in the sand for a couple of weeks.

What now? Well, I get to try again. I get to experiment with blogging some more, transfer the scenes in my head onto the screen, and try to pick up yoga again. Seek the relief from anxieties I felt I was close to before. Will I do all of these things perfectly this time? No. I will probably fall off the face of the Earth again. And then I will return. That's life, I think, and I accept that while the yo-yo experience is typical me and I can try to change it, it takes time.

See you around.
Julia

Edit: "So I've had a lot on my mind, but I'm finally feeling a little more human." I've been thinking about that, and I'm certain I've said it before. So, what is feeling human, anyways? For me it is being able to feel my emotions and not just recognize them from a distance. The journey there feels like climbing up a muddy hill, you get close to the top and slip a little before you finally make it. And once you do, you realize that it really wasn't the top, and you have to keep going. More mud, more slips, and more stops along the way.